Someday...

I believe in the rest of the story
I believe there's still ink in the pen
I have wasted my very last day
Trying to change what happened way back when

I believe it's the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach from me until?

Someday all that's crazy
All that's unexplained
Will fall into place
And someday all that's hazy
Through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes we're just waiting
For someday

We are born with a lingering hunger
We are born to be unsatisfied
We are strangers who can't help but wander
And dream about the other side of?

Every puzzle's missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rests in the Hands that hold you for someday?

Father, I believe in Your plans...when You will it, You will also provide so that Your plans succeeds... I'm still waiting for that someday.. I know it'll be beautiful... beautiful.. someday.. when all the clouds be cast away.. when all the why's, when's, how's and what's are gonna be answered.. until that someday, Lord. I will wait patiently. I pray that You give me grace because it's never an easy task to wait... May I be worthy to receive Thy special gift.. someday. I believe You are the hand that hold us for that someday.

God is still at work...

Dave was raised on the mission field in Africa, and after he completed his seminary training he took a position in a local church, still searching for the right one who could go back to Africa with him. He kept looking over the crowd every Sunday morning to see if a new face had appeared. Finally he asked my advice, “What do you think I should do?” What do you think God wants you to do with your life?” I inquired. “I think God wants me in Africa ,” he responded.

“I said, “Then you had better get moving that direction.”

Sudan Interior Mission, the group that Dave was serving, needed him on a rather remote outstation a distance from Addis Ababa. “Great chance of finding a wife there!” people told Dave. Nonetheless, he went.

Meanwhile an Australian nurse felt called by God into medical missions. She was single but hope to meet someone who shared her vision of missionary medicine. Nobody even came close to being answer. Finally she joined the same mission Dave had joined. They told her about a medical in a pretty remote area outside Addis Adaba. Her family and friends told her, “If you go there, you’ll end up being an old maid for sure.”

Putting the will of God above “finding the right man,” she packed and went to Africa.

You guessed it. They met, fell in love and married.

Believe it or not, they both had lived in the same apartment complex in the same city, on the same street, but had to go 7,000 miles away to meet each other, fall in love, marry and have a family. (I got this story from jhunnelle's blogsite.)

This is the 2nd story I read about "serendipity" or destiny as you may want to call it. The 1st story I read was about Shelby. They may all sound fictional to you, but I believe that they are true. Even if they were not, there is one story that is real. You may visit jhunnelle's blogsite and read about how her fiance met her.

Now, you might be asking, "Who's Jhunnelle?". Well, I don't know her either. We haven't met. But, one night as I was trying to look for a write-up about "Touch of Glory", I found her blogsite. Of course, instantly as I read her posts nakarelate agad ako. We are of the same age. We are both Born-Again Christian. We both have the same struggles in waiting for the "right man" in our lives. I was inspired about her story. I believe that God has led me to her blogsite to tell me that He is still at work.

God is at work in our lives all the time. Every need, every desire, every little things or minute details of our lives are in His mind all the time. Our every call is heard. Every tear that falls, he sees. Every thoughts in our minds, he knew. He is the author of life. He is also the author of our love story.

And one day, I am hopeful and prayerful that I will be able to post my own love story God has wrote about in this blogsite.

You may have a struggles or difficulties in your life. It might be something about your job, school, relationships, finances or anything that you think matters to you. I just want to encourage you on one thing, "God is at work in our lives! He loves you so much. There is nothing good for us that He will withhold. Just think, that if God has given His ONE and ONLY SON for you, what is that one thing will He not do for you?

If I Could Have Three Wishes...

I borrowed a book from Ate Gina. It's entitled "Checklist for Women". I first read about Hopes and Dreams... the title, "If You Could Have Three Wishes". I would want to share to you some points from it...

If you have a desire in your heart, a dream that you wish would become a reality, here are some ways you can partner with God to make the dream come true.

• Know what you want. Articulate it and clarify it. Visualize the end result. Set specific goals to turn your dream into a reality.
• Take the dream to God and let Him show you whether it is worthy. Continue to come to Him in prayer as you work toward the goals you have set. Any worthwhile dream grows you as you grow it. Like a seed planted in rich soil, plant your dreams in the soil of God's love and guidance.
• Do the work. Realize that it may take longer than you had planned. Remember that every detour and delay is an opportunity to learn something - often a lesson necessary for making your dream come true. Persevere. Don't give up.
• Trust God to bring the dream to fruition in just the right time, just the right way. Delight in His ways and He will give you the desires of your heart. You can always trust God with your hopes, your wishes, and your dreams. Life may disappoint you, but God will never let you down.

What hopes, dreams, and wishes do I wish God would grant to me?

1. I dream that I will be debt-free by year 2009.
2. I dream to own a fully furnished house by 2009 and a car by 2008.
3. I dream that I will be a wife to the man God has prepared for me and be his support in all his endeavors.
4. I dream to have at least 4 children.
5. I dream for promotion.
6. I dream to retire from IT work in 2012 and be a teacher to pre-elementary students.
7. I dream to put up a business after or before retirement.
8. I dream to own a Jollibee franchise.
9. I dream to travel around the world and around the Philippines.
10. I dream to put up a home for the street children (orphanage).

Wow! I didn't realize that I have 10 BIG dreams! I thought I could make them on my own, but on the second thought, I'd rather work with God. I will partner with Him. All things are possible! Nothing is too hard for the Lord! I know it will happen in my lifetime! I am grateful to God for what He has already done in my past, I believe He is now working at present, but I am also excited about my future!

When I see these things, my heart will rejoice. I will flourish like the
grass! Everyone will see the Lord's hand of blessing on His servant. -
Isaiah 66:14 (personalized)

DREAM Again...

Everyone has dreams. But sometimes, they become forgotten dreams... maybe because of the time waiting for them to happen, maybe because they grew tired of waiting or doing everything to make it happen. However, to no avail, nothing happens.

Me? I have great dreams! A few months back, I still have them in my heart. But somehow, tired of giving it a fight!

After spending time again with God... I've had the conviction that God would want me to dream again, dream great dreams for Him.. attempt great things for Him and expect great things from Him.

I've first heard of the Dreamer's Manifesto by Jordan Sebastian, May 2007 when Dr. Jun Vencer included it in his teachings... and so it goes...

I will dream, I will dream BIG and AMAZING and SPECTACULAR and AWESOME DREAMS.

I will live my dreams. And not compromise for the sake of security or safety or comfort.

I will jump out of my comfort zone and embrace change. CHANGE, whom I fear. CHANGE, whom I dread.

I will seek to live beyond what I can. BELIEVING that the GOD whom I trust is MUCH, MUCH BIGGER. And GREATER than any obstacle I may face.

I will face my fear. I will STOP running away from it and TURN AROUND.

I SURRENDER. I SURRENDER to my GREAT DESTINY, knowing deep in my heart I AM DESTINED for EXCELLENCE. I AM DESTINED for GREATNESS.

Not mediocrity. Not conformity. Not in arrogance, but with the MANTLE OF HUMILITY placed upon me.

Because this is not about me. This is ABOUT GOD.

And I will do all this not in TEN years from now, when I am free. Not FIVE years from now, when I have the money. Not ONE year from now, when I am steady. Not ONE week from now, when I know how. Not even TOMORROW because tomorrow is far from now.

I will LIVE MY DREAMS NOW and I will ACT NOW.

It's time to dream again. It's time to act on my dreams again.

To The One

I prayed to the Lord, for Him to give me a man after His own heart. A man who will love me and I will love for the rest of my life. Days passed by, the days grew into months, and the months went into years. Still, I waited for you to come my way.

It was never an easy thing to do, especially when all of my friends have already married and have their own families. Sometimes, the waiting gets the best of me and all that I can do is cry my heart out to the Lord.

I have no idea when you will come. When and how will our roads cross? When will I see you face to face? When? How? Where? These are the questions I do not know how to answer. It's up to God who takes control of my life.

How I would wish that it'll be sooner. I am very expectant everyday, hoping that it'll be that special day you will find me...

If a day passed by and you still have not come, I'd say "I am one day closer in meeting you..."

I pray to God that He will provide you eveything you needed to get here to me. May He give you the courage to tell me your feelings. I know that I am not an easy girl. But I pray that as God leads you to me, may He also give you discernment to know and see clearly that you are the one He has prepared for me. That just as He has promised me, that when love comes into my life, I will see it just as a banner is raised on a mountaintop or I will hear it just as a trumphet played a sound. It will be clear and it will come to pass.. it will happen in my lifetime...

I will believe... I believe... I believe...

My love will be with you... till that day...
~Zha-Zha~

just not in the mood

what a way to start my day!

I left our house very early, as in I really expected to come to the office earlier. But to my amazement, it's the other way around.

The heavy traffic started at GMA Kamuning...up to Cubao. Then on the leftmost side of Edsa in Santolan, there was a pajero that crashed on the concrete barriers. At around 6:40am or so I was in Estrella already and waited for a bus going to Alabang. After 15 mins, a bus arrived and I was able to find me a seat near the driver's area. When we were in Buendia, wow! The bus driver's attention was called by an MMDA... It was already 7AM.

When we were in SLEX, the traffic was already building up... and in short I arrived at the office by 7:30AM... when in good days, I usually arrived at 6:30AM.

I don't know what gets into me, but I wasn't in the mood to work. I can't think about my project. I really tried to fight back the mood I was in, but I wasn't able to... WHAAAAAAAH! And I need to do technical review presentation by Friday.... so sad... just not in the mood.

p.s. sana bukas matino na ulit ako... =(

Give it up...

I've got my chance in love. I met a man, I do not even remember how the conversation started, but it just began. I was at the NAIA terminal then, I arrived an hour earlier than my check-in time. After I paid the taxes, I found a seat and so I said to myself that I'll just buy time by reading a book I brought with me. I was also conversing with some friends thru SMS... some of their advices was not to talk to anyone.

But I could just not ignore people when they are talking to me. He was sitting beside me and he started the conversation. I really dont remember what he said, but as friendly as I am... the conversation began. we talked about so many things for about an hour. The one thing that stucked on my mind was that he doesn't liked my country, that my country was a poor country, he compared it to Malaysia, Thailand and to his country. His supposedly one-month vacation lasted only for ten days and he decided to go back to his country. That is why he's in NAIA waiting for a chance to get home as soon as an airline seat be made available for him.

After an hour, I said goodbye and readied myself to check-in my baggage. But before I left, he asked for my YM ID and I have given it to him (friendly nga kasi ako!). I thought it was all that. A simple conversation, a mere acquiantance. But after my tour in Singapore, he sent me a message thru YM. He said, he couldn't take his mind off of me, that my face is tattooed on his mind. He also said that he doesn't know if we will be able to see each other again, yet he's still thinking of me... and so much more. He called me up on Christmas to greet me.

I kindda ignore it at first. But last time, he said that he might return here in the Philippines just to see me. Oh, that made my heart beat faster. It's an overwhelming experience, for me. Remember, he doesn't like my country and yet he's going back just to see me? Me? Haha! I may have blinded someone for the first time. =)

But that made me think a hundred even a thousand times. He's a Muslim. I am a born-again Christian. He is a good man. He has a real estate business and is currently working in the ministry (government in his country). I believe that he will be a good husband and a good father based on his stories about his family... his parents and siblings. But, to me it's really a big conflict having a different faith.

This morning, I prayed that God would lead me to the right path. That I will be wise in the decision that I make. I asked myself if I can exchange my faith in Jesus Christ to someone who can be my husband? Hindi ko pala kaya. I couldn't exchange my Lord to something that is just temporal. I know that my God could give me more than I could ask or imagine! He will soon give me a partner in life who would grow old with me, walking each step of the way hand in hand... I do believe that He can give me all the things that I need and so much more. One day, he will come into my life... only God knows when.

I'm giving my all to the Lord. I know that if I surrender to Him what I desire, if I give it up, He can give me with so much more, more than I can imagine. So I'm giving Him my heart, I even prayed for my mind to be renewed. Knowing and believing that He will not withhold anything that is good for me. I realized that I could not exchange Him for anything else in the world.

The Prayer... my prayer

I pray you’ll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don’t know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe

I pray we’ll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night
Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe.

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe

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This song had been a prayer of my heart today. In all the decisions I have to make, I pray that God would lead me... to the right decisions... to the safest place!

You see, I am afraid that I would make a wrong decision and be lead astray... afraid that I would fall and be entrapped and not be able to escape... should I use my mind or my heart? I am not sure...which is the better way? could I gain control or lose it? It seemed that the heart has a mind of it's own! Able to decide which way to go, but at the same time, my mind tells me that I should be careful and think a hundred or even a thousand fold!

Oh, I pray for God's wisdom to guide me by His enduring grace... for I know that the safest place there could be is in the center of Your will. Help me, Oh Lord to know Your will... to experience Your mighty power in my life, in every area of my life... Oh that You would rend down the heavens and come down! I seek You Lord most of all. Help me, guide me and lead me... never let me go... I pray.
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2008 goals

they say if you want to accomplish things, you must write it down, read it for the nth time until you memorize it by heart...

and so i am writing down my goals for 2008...

1. learn how to drive, i'll enroll in a driving school this feb 2008.
2. have a bf by 3rd qtr 2008 (goal talaga? hehe).
3. enroll at fitness first, got to reduce my tummy... hehehe
4. be able to pay off at least half of my debt from my insurance by the end of 2008.
5. own a car by 3rd qtr of 2008.
6. develop a membership database for our church by April 2008.
7. improve my devotions/quiet time and prayer life.
8. visit my brother in dubai.
9. be promoted to AM position by end of 2008 or work in Singapore or Dubai or New Zealand or Australia.
10. be able to complete my DG by the end of 2nd Qtr 2008.
11. landscape for my lot by 4th qtr of 2008.
12. improve the road leading to our house by 1st qtr 2008.

HE CONTROLS MY DESTINY...

"But He knows where I am going.

And when He tests me, I will come out as pure as gold.

For I have stayed on God's paths;

I have followed His ways and not turned aside.

I have not departed from His commands,

but have treasured His words more than daily food.

But once He has made His decision,

who can change His mind?

Whatever He wants to do, He does.

So He will do to me whatever He has planned.

HE CONTROLS MY DESTINY." - Job 23:10-14

God has written my name on the palm of His hands. Though my mother may forget me, He will never forget my name. God calls me by name, I am His. He has done great and mighty things in my life this year, though I am not worthy. He has blessed me and blessed me indeed, though I am not that faithful. I have committed mistakes, yes I am not perfect... but He still loved and loves me. He accepted me for who I am, and He is patient with me.

How can I not love Him back? How can I not be grateful? How can I forget all the GREAT and MIGHTY THINGS HE has DONE?

Oh, Lord! You are Great and Awesome! You can do all that You wanted to do, You are the God of the IMPOSSIBLE THINGS! You have lead me this far, and You wanted me to trust You for more! Our lives here on earth are full of uncertainties, yet YOU ARE THE GOD OF CERTAINTY! What You say and what You promised will happen.

You are the GOD THAT CONTROLS MY DESTINY!

Pray!

Last Friday night, as I went home from an overtime work, I took the MRT and left off at Cubao station. I usually take a bus going to Baliuag Station in Cubao. But that night, I took a walk going to the bus station. As I was walking, in the sidewalk, a woman was wailing. When I looked at her, I saw that she has been quarrelling with her husband. And what I saw after, has broken my heart. Her husband kicked her with all his strength on her neck. I was shocked. I would like to help the woman, but what can I do? The man seemed so strong. If I would intervene, I too would have been beaten by the man. I asked the Lord at that moment, “Lord, how can I help them?”

I continue my walk but on a slower pace. As I walk through the overpass, there were about 3 or 4 young girls, about 13-20 yrs old, fully made-up and wearing skimpy shorts, standing by on the overpass. If one would think why they are standing there, you would instantly know that they are not selling anything but their body.

Further, I saw someone digging on the trash, trying to get something to eat. I thought it was a man. But getting a closer look, she was a woman.

The site burdened me. Doesn’t our government see these things? How can they not act? I tend to blame the government, but the questions were all brought back to me. What am I doing to help resolve these problems? People might say, “Oh! I have my on life to live, why be burdened by their problems? It’s their decision. It’s what they wanted.”

Could it be the life they all wanted? Didn’t they dream of a good life? I asked what their lives could be if someone had told them that there is hope in Jesus. What if someone has prayed for them? Things could have change I believe.
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The Philippines could be a better place if we will pray for our nation. Prayer changes things. By prayer we tap into the mind of God. By prayer we move the hand that moves the world. By prayer we receive grace and faith. By prayer we acquire wisdom and direction.

escape...

i turned my cellphone off and i have no intention of putting it on, not now. i wanted some silence.

actually, yesterday i planned to go to tagaytay, all by myself. wala lang, i just thought i need a breather and i need some escape... however, i wasn't able to do so, got a demanding project and upon reviewing the workplan, i noticed that it should be submitted by 13th of august for user-acceptance testing. and so i forced myself to go to work yesterday.

today, i am here in my room. i locked my door, i closed the windows. i cried. i don't know, maybe i am physically tired... but i pray that i won't burn out...

i promise myself after this project i would go to tagaytay.. anyway 20th and 27th of August is declared holidays... and off i'll go ... i'll escape to be alone.

sleeping habits...

i sleep with lights on.
i just noticed myself turning off the lights before i sleep nowadays...

quite odd for me who can't sleep without the lights...

it will take place...

i believe in God
His promises are TRUE
it will be fulfilled
if it seems slow in coming,
i will wait patiently
for it will surely take place
it will not be delayed...

even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines...
yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my Salvation!
The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
able to thread upon the heights.

guessing game...

you came suddenly and unexpectedly, at a time when i am not looking for someone. all i wanted then, was to find serenity from the deafening noise of the city, to find my rest with God and shake all the stress i have inside.

it was the same ordinary night, the star and moon shines bright. i came inside the house and you were there... when suddenly, someone said to me, "zha, can i asked you something?... what if the two of you were meant to be?"... i was startled, not knowing the right answer to a silly question, but i gave an answer anyway... "i see no problem...", i said. which cause the house to be filled with "whoas!" and "ohhs" and i hurriedly exited the house right after, for i may not be able to answer the next questions or maybe... i am afraid to face those next questions.

i have no idea what went next during the conversations in that house... the next day came, we were teased every single second of the day, whenever they have the chance. i tried to be myself and still be friendly to you somehow, but i just can't help it... i knew you noticed it too, i backed-away... "i am afraid".

but any how, those simple thoughts of the two of "US"... made me bloom somehow... as the pictures showed it. i might be inspired... infatuated (at my age?!) by the thought...

the convention came to an end... i don't know, but for the last time, we are still in the eyes of our audiences... and they asked that we get a picture... the two of us together... you give in to their request and so did i, because i am trying to be a "sport".

"click"... and off we go... we go on separate ways... of course to our different houses. will it just be a memory of a past or a start of something new?

days and months passed... communications thru SMS and emails are still there... but they were just a mere exchange of either forwarded msgs or emails... a little (and i mean "little") conversation in the middle... through them, i've had built your character... or was it just an imagination or the books i read about personalities that helped me make that image of who you are.

but it is tiring me and this has to end.. this guessing game of what you truly feel... of what you want out of this game...

you see i never played poker or any game for that matter, that will cause money or myself... i've never been into that. i guess it's time to press the button that says, "EXIT or GAME OVER".

"i am laying all my hopes, dreams, plans and my life to the One who truly loves me no matter what, from beginning to end. i will let God be the God over my life and let Him take over... for it is He who promised to give me a man after His own heart... and the One who promised is faithful to complete it in His own time..."

for who knows??? one day i might be ask to press, "CONTINUE?"

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"the good thing that you desire will become the best thing when you allow God to give it to you in His time..."
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"He has made everything beautiful in its time."- Eccl 3:11